Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Somedays...are very hard.

Days like today, where my mind will not quiet down, dredging up memories of the past. Ones I can't change, nor doing anything about. Guilt for not being a better mom, even though I know I'm doing the best I can. Guilt for not being a better wife, even though my husband would tell me and you that I'm the best.
 


I recently came off of antidepressants because they were making me have self harm thoughts. Unfortunately my doctor wouldn't return my phone calls, so I fired her for that reason, among many others. Don't worry about it much, I have an appointment with someone I am hoping will be a better doctor for myself. 

Right now I'm wading through the bad days where my mind convinces me I'm not worthy. Again, don't worry, I won't hurt myself. I know I have two amazing kids, a damn good man, and plenty of friends and family I can turn to for help if I need it. 

I wanted to share this in the moment, this raw feeling with you all, because you don't see it online much. People don't talk about the hard days. Most of the time you get a picture you see a happy life. A persona of what person wants you to see. I try to be a little more authentic both online and in my socials. Tomorrow will be better. And even if it is not, it will get better. One day at a time.

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