Monday, April 29, 2013

Emotional Rollercoaster

This past week I have felt like I was on an emotional roller coaster. One minute I felt strong – like I could do anything and not let this beat me. The next minute I felt weak – like this was the worst sentence you could give a person. During those times all I wanted was a bottle of wine and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I wanted to lay in bed and cry my eyes out during those first 24 hours after my follow up appointment with my OBGYN.

I wanted to scream and curse my body. I was so angry those first 24 hours. I felt betrayed by my body. Something so natural, women all over the world were able to do it – needless to say I was upset and being over dramatic.

I cried and talk to Matt and when we were done talking I called my dad and my sisters to give them the horrible news. We talked and cried and they did their best to lift my spirits up again. They made sure that I knew it was not the end of the world, even though in my mind it was.

I didn’t want to go to work that night. I knew my face was red and puffy and my eyes were swollen from hours of crying. But I also knew that even though Ben and Jerry’s, my bed and that bottle of wine sounded way better than going to work, I knew that I had to put on my big girl panties and go in. I had to be the responsible adult I was raised to be.

Work was an amazing distraction. I was able to focus on the mundane all the while still feeling numb. I plastered on a big smile and greeted my customers and did my job. That night I went home and talked and cried some more to my amazing husband. I talked to my friends online and found out that some of them have PCOS too. We talked for hours.  When I finally shut my eyes for the night cuddled up next to my husband I felt a little bit stronger.

That morning I felt resolved. I was not going to let PCOS define me. I went to the pharmacy and filled my prescriptions. The one that would force my body to start again and the other to force my body to ovulate – Provera and Clomiphene, the two drugs that only yesterday felt like a death sentence.

Here I am a week later. I have 4 more days of the Provera and I am already starting to feel those tell-tell signs of Aunt Floe arriving. By the 10th she should be here and 5 days after she arrives I start taking Clomid. Matt and I already decided that we are going to have a lot of fun this month and hopefully by the end of it the Clomid did its job and Kai will soon be a big brother.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

1 Year Check Up

Today was Kai's one year well check. He is a happy healthy little man. He is hitting all of his milestones right where he needs too and then some. I am just still in awe that I have a 1 year old. Please excuse me while I go over in that corner over there and cry.

After his check up we met up with my neighbor and we went for a walk at the track. Where we got our walk on. At one point Charm took over the stroller so I could have a break. My feet were killing me and my hips are still screaming at me. But we soldiered on after I took a quick breather and managed a little over 2 miles.

I've got to get my butt in shape if I am going to do my first 5k in July. I know I won't be running it but it will be nice to finish it and say I had fun doing it.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Happy Birthday Kai!

As promised here are Kai's birthday photos. His birthday buddy Anara joined him in his and her epic cake smash / birthday photos:

All photos were done my Scott Butner. Do Not Copy.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Kitchen Makeover

When my bestie Amanda came to live with me for a few weeks we decided to do a kitchen makeover:

 I do believe I saw the idea somewhere on Pinterest but I do not remember the link or the pin. I just remember thinking that it was an awesome idea to add chalk board on your cupboards. I seriously can't stop writing lists and recipes out on them!

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You guys! I have a ONE year old!! We are doing the cake smash photos tonight. I'll share as soon as I get them!


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Wednesday, April 10, 2013


I meant to blog about this a while ago, but you all know how life has a way of getting ahead of you.

My word for the year is:


I am learning to accept who I am, the body I have, the life I have chosen to live. Only then can I truly accept others for who they are.

The first step I took towards this was to do a photo shoot with Holly from H.A.R.D. Photography. She was doing a project called The Inked Skin You Are In. This was an all black and white series of tattooed Men and Women. All they needed was the inked skin they were in. All body styles, colors, sizes, styles...nothing but loving who they are for who they are.

Here are 2 of my photos:

I completely stepped outside my comfort zone with Holly here but she made me feel really comfortable in front of the camera (which is really hard to do for a photographer – mainly me). If you would like to see the rest of the photo series and a few more photos from my shoot go here.

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