Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Lots of Words Wednesday

17 weeks 5 days

Today is the last day I am 17 weeks. Tomorrow I will officially start my 18th week of pregnancy and I have my monthly check up also. I am super excited about this. I get to hear my lil’ ones heart beat again tomorrow. I seriously am so excited for this. I have been having some pretty crazy anxiety about this because it seems that everyone around me is either high risk or announcing they lost their baby. My heart goes out to all of my friends and mommy bloggers out there who are suffering this loss.

I know all too well what it feels like to lose your baby. I guess my fear right now is because I lost my baby August 11th and then conceived the baby I am carrying now between the 24th and 27thof August. It happened so quickly, I was still grieving when I found out I was pregnant again and as much as I love this lil one I am still sad that I lost my other baby too. Reading all of these announcements about loss, has got me a little wound up. I keep having these nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat because I am so afraid to lose this lil one. You can read about it here.

I have almost convinced myself to go to the hospital I don’t know how many times “just to make sure” my baby was okay. I have called my midwife a few times totally freaked out (bless her heart she is so patient with me) and my next door neighbor has been a god send. She is pretty much the best ever. I appreciate the fact that not only is she helping me out by pretty much being my doula, but I am helping her out and giving her the experience she needs to maybe get a scholar ship to take doula training and get her certificates here soon.

Tomorrow when I give you the new baby update I am going to try to be a little more detailed and give you guys the details about where my baby’s growth should be and how big (s)he is too! 

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