All BOY

Oh my goodness, I had to laugh today when I opened up the gender card my friend Lacie gave back to me. Kaileb was definitely not a shy little boy at all:

See what I mean? Not shy at all. Hopefully this little guy will continue to be out going throughout his life.

Birthday Gender Reveal 2011

Today had to of been the best birthday I have ever had. I had a lot of my close friends and family show up to Applebee's where we had amazing food and drinks. Then afterwards our close friend brought out the cake she made us and we got to cut into it. With the cutting of that first slice this whole pregnancy feels so much more real. My little sea turtle is so much more than that now. He is now my baby BOY! That's right we are having a little boy. For those of you wondering what we have chosen to name him it is: Kaileb (faithful, bold) Connor (wolf lover). Below are some pictures from tonight and the official video too!

he can never take a straight picture....

Happy Birthday To Me!

I have been anxiously awaiting this day for weeks now. Today is the day that we get to find out what we are having! It has to possibly be the best birthday present a girl could ask for. Tonight at 7pm we head out to meet our friends and family at Red Robin to have a special birthday dinner and following dinner the gender reveal cake will be brought out. When Matt and I cut into it, it will either be blue or pink. 

So if you would like to play along and guess leave a comment here and tell me what you think the gender is going to be. Boy or Girl? If you want to know before I write up the blog post to let you all know what I am having follow me on Twitter cause I am sure that I will be tweeting about it within minutes of finding out!

Xmas 2011 [19 week update]

19 weeks

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her/his brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that (s)he may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to him/her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. His/her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. His/her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on his/her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

[source]

Green/Meyers/Hopper Christmas:

Wow, with all of the Holiday festivities I almost forgot to post about being 19 weeks pregnant! And here I will be 20 weeks come Thursday. 

Christmas was awesome though. For the first time in years we got a long the entire time! Needless to say that this was the first time in a very long time that I felt at home and welcome to be there. It was so much fun being able to spend some quality time with my baby sister. I do not get to do that enough. I loved seeing the excitement in my nephews faces when they opened their presents.

My nephews and I

they got a kick out of the singing snowmen!

 This year I got an extra special gift. My Dad gave me my Grandfathers wedding right my Grandma got for him on their 40 year anniversary. I already have their original wedding set that I inherited after Grandma passed. The best thing about this gift is that my Dad called Matt and told him how honored he would be for him to wear it. He inherited it from Grandma when he got married and knew that if Grandpa were still alive that he would have loved Matt and wanted him to have it. Of course this totally made me cry my eyes out. 

Damn pregnancy hormones!

I ended up eating so many sweets and candied yams and other really nummy goodies that I think I am really content on holiday food till next year. 

How was your Christmas?

Merry Christmas

I hope everyone has an awesome Christmas and if you are traveling this holiday season please be safe. See you back here Monday!

late night ramblings

Today has been super busy, crazy and hectic all at once. I finished making my Xmas presents for the fam-bam and our friends today. All I have left to do is wrap them and the littles presents and I am good to go.  Well besides packing and getting ready to go home for about three or four days. Thankfully I am finally feeling in the whole holiday spirit. I did not think I would ever get here this year. Just call me Mrs. Scrooge. This Holiday is probably one of my favorites besides Halloween, so I am glad that my spirit has finally lifted and I can enjoy it without feeling so blue.

Matt thinks that it is pregnancy hormones. Probably is, but it is also more than that you know? Besides being pregnant, I am really missing my Grandma this year. I really wish she was here to celebrate with us and to know that I am pregnant and she is going to be a Great Grandma for the third time. Another reason is probably because Matt has to work. So that is another holiday without him. It sucks but I am getting used to it after six years of him always working. I do have to say at least I know where he is and that he is safe compared to when we first met (he was stationed in Ft. Bragg and was deployed out in Afghanistan somewhere).

I am totally rambling, and I know this, but I made myself a promise that I would be more consistent with blogging than I have been here recently. Especially since I know it is going to be hit and miss when our little turtle arrives in May

—side note—I can’t wait till my birthday on the 28^th! We will finally know the gender of our little turtle! Then we can start calling it by their name instead of turtle. Although we will still fondly call him/her turtle anyway.

So without further ado and before I go off on another topic I will say good night or good morning my fellow bloggers and friends. Hope you have a wonderful day and a very Merry Christmas too!

Hey Guys I'm not here today.....

I am currently over at The Paper Mama talking about how to make some super easy Dream Pillows! Come check it out!

Just click on the picture, it will take you right there =] Or click on the link above! Much love to all my blogging friends and family!

Ultra Sound Story

Yesterday we finally got to go see our little one, whom we have nicknamed “our little turtle”. Matt says that it makes sense that we would nickname our kid this since I tend to have a little obsession with turtles.

body shot

profile

sucking his/her thumb

face

 The ultra sound tech was completely cool too. She gladly took the envelope that we gave her to put the gender of the baby in and while she was doing the ultra sound she would let us know when to look away from the screen. Although Matt later told me that he kind of peeked and thinks he knows what the sex is. I then proceeded to call him a jerk (jokingly of course) and told him he better not tell me what he thinks it is.

The best part is that the tech asked us to go to the waiting room while she wrote it down and when she came out to give us the card let us know she included a picture of the baby’s gender in the envelope too. That was very thoughtful, I damn near cried. Now that we had the envelope in hand we met Lacie who is making the gender reveal cake and gave it to her. She has been teasing me off and on today that she knows what it is and is NOT going to tell us.

Mean, just plain mean I tell ya! At least it is all in fun and games. Looking back I can’t believe the difference from our first ultra sound to this one. Little Turtle has changed so much since then:

Boy or Girl? [Wordful Wednesday]

We go in tomorrow for the ultra sound and to technically find out what we are having. Although I am not allow to know till my birthday, which is not till the 28th! I am going to go nuts not knowing what our dear little turtle is for another week! But it will be worth it because we have such a cute idea planned out. We are having the tech write down what the sex is on a card then sealing it in an envelope with a picture of the baby's sex. Then we are handing it to our really good friend who does amazing cakes, and she is going to do a gender neutral cake on the outside and either pink or blue on the inside. So after my birthday dinner when we cut into the cake in front of all our family and friends we will finally know what our little turtle is going to be. But in the mean time I figured I would ask you all what you thought? I seem to be carrying high I want spicy foods and have not been sick or had any heart burn at all. I am one day away from being 19 weeks.

Taken right at 18 weeks.

You're a Mean One Mister Grinch

The last couple of days my emotions have been really screwy. If you follow me on Twitter or Facebook then you know that all I have done is really want to punch someone. Between all the stupid people on the road doing 10 under because oh em gee there is a cop next to them or because the weather man said it was foggy but you can see a mile in front of you; to the stupid holiday shoppers. Bah humbug! Not really, but people seem to be so rude. Like today I pulled into a parking spot and got out and someone who could have been my Grandma drove past me and called me a bitch. Apparently she was circling around to take that parking spot. Well I did not know that. All I saw was an empty parking spot when I drove down that lane and I was the only car in the aisle, so what does that make me a bitch? On top of that it is obvious that I am pregnant now, so why would you want to aggravate me? This is not the first time since Black Friday that this has happened.

Honestly this behavior does not put me in the holiday spirit. My husband already has to work through the entire holiday, leaving me to travel by myself to my parent’s house in the Valley essentially spending the holidays alone. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the getaway ever now and again, but not during the holidays. I would rather have my husband with me. It truly makes it more enjoyable. Am I wrong to feel this way? Am I selfish to want my husband next to me during this time of year? I mean after all it is about family and friends right? This year has been really hard for me to get festive. I have tried. Shoot I even am going to a few solstice and Christmas parties coming up this week. I know I am going to have fun and hopefully some time out around friends with my hubby will help get me out of this funk.

Ugh, please someone tell me that this is just pregnancy hormones?

Yule and Christmas

Moon Garden Grove celebrated Yule today. If you do not know what it is, the Winter Solstice usually known on the calendar as the 1^stday of winter. It usually falls on the 21^st or 22^nd of December, depending on the year. This is the shortest day of the year (but you all knew that already). As a Pagan, Yule represents not only the shortest day of the year but the end of one season and the beginning of another. This is where our days start to get longer and Mother Earth starts to slowly wake herself back up after her winter slumber. Depending on where you are in the states spring is right around the corner. Or if you live here in Washington like myself, you know you will not be seeing any of that “green” stuff for a few more months.

To me winter feels as if the world is holding her breath, just waiting to exhale and when she does everything else does to. The world/Mother Earth breathes and everything lives again. Does that make sense? (maybe 4am is not the best time to write a blog).

Some back history on Yule:

Yule, (pronounced EWE-elle) is when the dark half of the year relinquishes to the light half. Starting the next morning at sunrise, the sun climbs just a little higher and stays a little longer in the sky each day. Known as Solstice Night, or the longest night of the year, the sun's "rebirth" was celebrated with much joy. On this night, our ancestors celebrated the rebirth of the Oak King, the Sun King, the Giver of Life that warmed the frozen Earth. From this day forward, the days would become longer…

You can find the rest of the post here. 

Anyway, back to our celebration (know that you know a little bit of the history behind this solstice). Unfortunately I had to hid down stairs because I am pregnant and some of the incense that is used during ritual is not really safe for me to be breathing in. So my second in command ran the ritual today/yesterday. I seriously love this lady. Without her I probably would be so overwhelmed trying to do everything on my own. She saves my ass a lot and I am so lucky to have her by my side running this awesome little group of mine. So, even though I was down stairs I could still hear everything going on. I still felt the energy resonating in the house from the circle directly above my head. As always it was an amazing feeling.

Afterwards, we had a traditional Yuletide potluck dinner. There was lots of laughter and joy in the kitchen as everyone prepared their dishes to eat. The food was amazing (as always). As we laughed and ate and talked about today and life there is no doubt in my mind looking at us you would never guess we were mere strangers to each other only 4 short years ago. We have become not just really good friends but family to each other. There is nothing I would not do for these guys and visa versa.

After all the food was consumed we did a white elephant gift exchange. This was so much easier than drawing out of a hat and playing Secret Santa, like we did the first two years. It is so much fun to see what you are going to receive and how much time/effort is put into these gifts. This year I received two tea cups and my first ever tea ball. I am not much of a tea fan but I love lose leaf tea. I hope this helps me drink more tea in the future (Robin would be so proud). Now all I have to do is find out where they sell some really awesome lose leaf tea for me to try.

Shortly after the White Elephant Gift exchange we all said our goodbyes and headed home. All in all this years Yule festivities were amazing. Now I am looking forward to spending Christmas with my family and getting to see a few friends when I travel back home. Unfortunately my dear husband has to work but that comes with the territory. I am lucky that he has a good job so missing a few family holidays may be a sacrifice but we always make up for it in the end. Which leaves me to wonder:

Be is Yule or Christmas what are some things that you celebrate as a family together?

18 Weeks

18 Weeks:

Size: 5.6 in approximately the size of a sweet potato or bell pepper

Weight: 6.7oz

(S)he is busy flexing their arms and legs -- which I have not felt yet, except for a few flutters here and there.

Some exciting news: on the 21st we get to find out what our dear little turtle is going to be! Although since we are going to have a gender reveal party I wont actually get to know that day. I will have to wait 7 more days to find out. Happy Birthday to me!

When we go to get the ultra sound we are going to ask the tech not to tell us, instead to write it down on a piece of paper and put it into an envelope. Which I will then hand to a friend of mine who does cakes. She is going to make a gender reveal cake, which will be neutral on the outside and pink or blue on the inside. So after my birthday dinner at Red Robin we will get to cut into the cake and finally know what our little turtle is going to be. Now lets just hope the (s)he cooperates right?

Lots of Words Wednesday

17 weeks 5 days

Today is the last day I am 17 weeks. Tomorrow I will officially start my 18^th week of pregnancy and I have my monthly check up also. I am super excited about this. I get to hear my lil’ ones heart beat again tomorrow. I seriously am so excited for this. I have been having some pretty crazy anxiety about this because it seems that everyone around me is either high risk or announcing they lost their baby. My heart goes out to all of my friends and mommy bloggers out there who are suffering this loss.

I know all too well what it feels like to lose your baby. I guess my fear right now is because I lost my baby August 11^th and then conceived the baby I am carrying now between the 24^th and 27^thof August. It happened so quickly, I was still grieving when I found out I was pregnant again and as much as I love this lil one I am still sad that I lost my other baby too. Reading all of these announcements about loss, has got me a little wound up. I keep having these nightmares where I wake up in a cold sweat because I am so afraid to lose this lil one. You can read about it here.

I have almost convinced myself to go to the hospital I don’t know how many times “just to make sure” my baby was okay. I have called my midwife a few times totally freaked out (bless her heart she is so patient with me) and my next door neighbor has been a god send. She is pretty much the best ever. I appreciate the fact that not only is she helping me out by pretty much being my doula, but I am helping her out and giving her the experience she needs to maybe get a scholar ship to take doula training and get her certificates here soon.

Tomorrow when I give you the new baby update I am going to try to be a little more detailed and give you guys the details about where my baby’s growth should be and how big (s)he is too! 

Looking back

I was talking to friends last night, and we started talking about our pasts. I realized last night that I have been through a lot and overcome so much in my short 26 years of life. I do not know really where to begin. From the beginning I guess. I was born addicted to heroin. My Mom’s drug of choice at that time, she would later have my sister who’d be addicted to meth. My youngest sister was spared since she spent most of her pregnancy in jail. My middle sister and I were drug babies. My Dad never gave up on my mother though. He would marry her three times. Each time would result in them having my sisters and I. He would finally divorce her for the last time because he had to put us first.

My Dad was defiantly the best parent anyone could ever ask for. My mom had two sides to her. When she would get out of jail and was sober for a few months she was everything you could ask for in a mom. Loving, caring, and devoted to her children, at least until her druggie friends would start showing up. Then she would start up again and this mother was a monster. She was not someone I loved. She was someone I was very afraid of. With her I was not a child. I was a whipping boy for my sisters; I was my sisters care takers. I would make them breakfast, change their clothes and make sure they were dressed while she was passed out in the other room. I hated those weekends with her. She eventually lost her parental rights to us.

When we would go back home to my Dad’s home life was easier. Until my sister started using me to cope with what we would later find out was bipolar. No one believed me for a long time about what was going on. It took me moving out when I was 18 for them to finally see my sister needed help. But I am getting ahead of myself here. When I was 16 my “grandpa” was dying of kidney failure. We went to pay our respects and my mom was there.

My last memory of her was her trying to run her hands through my hair. For the first time in my life I blew up at her. I do not regret the things I said. They have never made me feel bad because at the time it was what I needed to say to her. If I had known in 6 short months she would be killed in a triple homicide I would have still said those words to her. Between her, my Dad, my Grandmother and my sister I would not be who I am today. My journey did not end there though.

Back to when I turned 18: I moved out while I was still in high school. I moved in with my then boyfriend. Who happened to be a mama’s boy. She would be our downfall. I would then meet my next boyfriend. Who was mentally and sexually abusive to me. I would not be able to see that for years to come. Both of these men would also help shape who I am today.  I would then meet my now husband. You can read our story here.

These last six years have truly been the best of my life. After everything I have endured and overcome I have finally found my soul mate. Someone who loves me for me, I don’t have to prove myself to him. With his help I have been able to start finding myself. With him I started figuring out who I was. I really came out of my shell. I learned that I had a backbone and that I could stand up for what I believed in. I am still very reserved and quiet. I am more a homebody than someone who loves going out and partying. I have a lot of people I know and few people who are my friends and an even fewer select friends who I look at as family.  These few friends have been there for me through everything and stayed. I look back and I know I had a hard childhood. I know I had to grow up way to quick. I also know that because of all I have been through I am a better person. I know that whatever happens to me from here on out I can handle it.

Life? Bring it on.

*note: I left out a lot of details I did not feel comfortable posting online. I did however give enough detail to hopefully explain my life well enough.

Pets (photo challenge)

Hai There

This past week has been super busy and hectic. Hence the lack of posts. As of right now I am using my phone for this little update.

Yesterday I post my 17 week bump update. I then was playing catch up with all the lovely bloggers in my Google reader and some not. While doing so I ran across a few other bloggers who are expecting. When they post their bump updates they usually have a list of things they are experienceing or noticing as they reach that week. I considered doing this just to see what it would be like.

Before I did though I wanted to ask my readers if that was something they'd like to see or are you more interested in the picture? Anywho leave me a comment and let me know. Maybe next week I will have a more detailed post for 18 weeks or just a photo. So until then stay warm in this chilly weather of ours. Unless you live somewhere warm, then just know I am very jeleous of you right now.

Wordlessly Wednesday on Thursday

17 weeks <3

Time for a Change?

Photography by Scott Bunter

4 months, 16 weeks. I still have a long way to go (6 more months) but I feel as if I am already changing. I also think that because I am changing, I am in need of a change here. I created this blog to represent me. Just me and my life. This a part of my life, I know that, but I feel a strong urge to change things up here to embrace what I am becoming.

I am thinking a new blog name and a new design would be wonderful. I have had a few friends comment and tell me a few ideas to what they thought would be good. So far the one that is really sticking out is "From Maiden to Mother". Although I do want to find another word for "mother"  Something that will stand out.

I know one day I may change it up again, but that day is very far from today. For I will not be a crone for a long time to come. I still want to be true to myself, my pagan life, and this journey I am taking while I am in transition from maiden to mother. As much as I love "Capturing Life's Magick" I feel that it is time to say good bye to it.

What do you think? Any suggestions would be very welcome.

awesome neighbors, and sleepless nights

I am over at my neighbor’s house today (well yesterday by the time you read this) watching the kids so she can get some house work done. I swear this lady is awesome. She has been a huge help to me in the last year, even more so now that I am pregnant. So being able to help her out today has made me feel very good. Kind of like I am able to repay her back for all the kindness she has showed me. Her boys have been a big help today. They cleaned most of the house to help out and relieve her of any stress she may have had over it not being clean enough.

I have to say I am so tired. My sleep pattern is completely messed up. I totally feel like a zombie today. For the past week my body has been shutting down at 8pm and waking back up between midnight and 2am. I then end up staying awake until 6/7am before crashing again until noon or 1pm and starting my day.  So last night I made myself stay awake for as long as possible. I only wanted to stay up till midnight, except that didn’t work. I caught my second wind and ended up staying up until almost 7am. My poor husband stayed up with me too. By the time we went to bed I never really fell asleep. I “slept” for 8 hours in a half awake half asleep state. I think this is more exhausting than going to sleep at 8pm.

Any other mama’s have this happen to you? Please tell me this is a pregnancy thing and I will eventually get over this?