Tuesday, September 15, 2020

Somedays...are very hard.

Days like today, where my mind will not quiet down, dredging up memories of the past. Ones I can't change, nor doing anything about. Guilt for not being a better mom, even though I know I'm doing the best I can. Guilt for not being a better wife, even though my husband would tell me and you that I'm the best.
 


I recently came off of antidepressants because they were making me have self harm thoughts. Unfortunately my doctor wouldn't return my phone calls, so I fired her for that reason, among many others. Don't worry about it much, I have an appointment with someone I am hoping will be a better doctor for myself. 

Right now I'm wading through the bad days where my mind convinces me I'm not worthy. Again, don't worry, I won't hurt myself. I know I have two amazing kids, a damn good man, and plenty of friends and family I can turn to for help if I need it. 

I wanted to share this in the moment, this raw feeling with you all, because you don't see it online much. People don't talk about the hard days. Most of the time you get a picture you see a happy life. A persona of what person wants you to see. I try to be a little more authentic both online and in my socials. Tomorrow will be better. And even if it is not, it will get better. One day at a time.

Monday, September 14, 2020

Virtual Learning Thoughts & PNW Fires


 

 

There is so much going on between my 1st grader and my 3rd grader. Having to switch gears between the two different grade levels leaves me mentally exhausted and kinda cranky by the end of the day. Once their done (in between trying to run a house and be quiet while I get the house work done) I have to jet off to work, then come home and make dinner and start our nightly routine. 

Finding time to spend with my husband and or just me time has been really hard. I am hopeful that this week will go a little more smoothly than last week did now that we are finding our groove and working out the kinks. Last week I will fully admit that I was not a fan of this virtual learning system and was very frustrated with how it was implemented and that most of the things that we were told to expect either were changed and there was no communication about it, or just didn't happen. It left me feeling frustrated because I had no answers for the kids as to why it wasn't happening or any direction I could help them move in so they could do their school work. By the end of the week though it seemed that those kinks were finally getting ironed out.

Here is hoping this week goes better. I will keep you all updated on our virtual learning journey. Now onto the fires that are currently plaguing the Pacific North West.

It has been very scary around here these last few days. While our family is no where near the fires we are getting hit with smoke from all around us. We have friends and family that are in direct paths of the fire. Most have been told to prepare to evacuate, others have lost their homes and lands. Last I check we also have the worst air quality in the world right now. Below are a couple pictures I captured from the last three days.

 

 

 

I tried to do the crock pot air purifying thing I saw going around facebook. I googled it and it seems to be pulling the smoke smell from the air, at least in the kitchen. The longer I run it the more it seems to pull the odor from the air. Now most of the facebook posts I have been reading say that it pulls the toxins from the air. I don't know if it does that or if it was the rosemary and essential oil that turned the water brown and yucky looking. Nothing I have found on my searches suggest that it does or does not. Just in case I will post the two photos below. You be the judge. Either way I am just happy the smoke smell in my house seems to be going away.

 

 

That is all I have to update for now. Be safe out there and if you are being effected by the fires -- don't worry, we are in this together. I pray the firefighters fighting the fires are not only safe but that they can get them under control soon.